And then, there were none !

Answers...

2010-04-04T21:38:00.002+05:30

Lot of life around us,
And sometimes we choose to be a spectator,
May be not sometimes

Full bloom all around,
Winter gave way to the spring,
Got sucked into a pure bliss,
will it stay for good ?

Then i wake up,
Realising it aint going to be so,
Does that make me appreciate less,
I didn't think so

Vengeance,
Surely takes u down unknown paths,
End of a dark alley, and nowhere else to go,
It kicks in, What have i done !

May be i liked it ...
May be i wanted it ..
In the end,
Staying a spectator is not all that bad

May be that is the only way to do it !
Silence works wonders, when words fail to perform

To understand aint a gift,
It just takes some pursuance

ldiot

2010-02-08T00:16:00.004+05:30

A quite familiar state i must say
Having been there not so long ago
A haphazard rush of adrenalin,
Its anger you idiot, the heart murmurs,
Alternating forms begin to flow in
starts with a smirk
A couple of witty phrases here and there,
when i think am almost done, a small hope is reignited, bollocks,
And then the laughing routine begins,
The little idiot lazing in my head knows it all too well !

Sunset, and am still searching for my reflection
on the fierce waves, trying to hold my ground.

Helpless

2009-03-14T22:28:00.002+05:30

Pissed off i was, at myself, for not doing a thing ! I stood waiting, listening to all the stupid crap and amateurish ramble ! Somehow, the sorrow of near-ones manages to creep into u altering itself as rage!

Reason, a very essential part to start off a conflict, and choosing the right one, makes a lot of difference! But then, should i fight others battles, just to make peace with myself, or may be i can lay there just as a support ?

Memories

2008-12-12T14:34:00.002+05:30

Things were going on as usual .. and one fine day, it wasn't the same anymore !

People live their lives with some dreams .. and some memories which make them move ahead .. So what if, things weren't the way they appeared ? .. You suddenly realize that nothin was rite .. or it might not be rite.

The perception was different, so u want to go back, dig the truth ! But what the hell is that goin to change, except the fact, that you will be taken aback if ur intuition was right or else, will carry on living the same life ! But, some how the feelin never extinguishes, the feeling of guilty, clinging on to the state of happiness, based on frivilous memories.

The correctness is always questionable, given whatever situation it is ! Falling back on your past, when u cant c a future ? Or, you know what the future holds for you and u still are in no state to accpet it ! May be comparitively speaking or absolutly, you dont want the given future, and hope .. just hope with all ur guts .. all ur faith .. while exhaling all the air filled in ur maxed-out lungs .. that the past some how tweaks back and knocks on ur door.

.hg

Missing Myself

2008-10-19T22:25:00.003+05:30

Thoughts go back .. almost always,
As if i don't have any control.

May be there is something I could have done,
If only i could have guessed it or seen it coming,
A complete phase of carelessness, was it ?

Find it hard to believe what i did not do,
Thinking back now !

May be i should have stuck on,
Or is it that i was too much over-confident.

I will never know.
Only that it would have been much much different, life
Still don't know, whether for good or bad !

The journey

2008-09-09T00:11:00.003+05:30

A sunday night trip from Delhi to Milan.

From the last time experience, I went all prepared to stand in the long queues in the airport, sticking to the rules and hence 3 hrs in advance! ohk ..ohk .. may be not 3.. but almost 2 ! and then that very day.. ppl decided to stay home and leave me to dispair ! :( .. I was through with all the baggage, security and immigration check .. in .. 15 mins ! ... and now i wait ! .. it lasted for 5 mins before i got bored and started calling ppl ! .. as usual dasa did not pick up! .. and the last call was to zutty ! and hence the entry !

And then the waitress called out the rows who are supposed to board and i was in, in no time.. waiting on my seat eagerly for my seatmates :P .. after 20 mins a bangaldeshi family showed up to thoos my hopes into dispair :( .. so the journey began ! .. around 30 mins after the flight tookoff the airhostess came offering strictly vegetarian food which was, u can say, the best part of my whole journey.

By the time i woke up, we were preparing to land in amsterdam and was offered a coffee. Late by 10 mins, was all that the pilot said! so far so good ! Suddenly i realised i had to catch the connecting flight in another 40 mins. Thought that was enuf !

Ran to reach the furthermost terminal in the amsterdam airport to catch my flight to milan (too many to's) .. there was also a special short connecting time security check for ppl like us in the Aport. Some stupid drunk bum talked rashly to the airport staff, after which within no time 10+ cops totally surrounded that poor passenger. Lucky that no one understood what language he spoke, so they let him go with a warning. Well as soon as the security check, ran ..ran hard .. ran hardest .. reached in time .. as in ... 5 mins to takeoff :P .. The staff politely told me that, ur luggage is still in the Delhi flight, so u have to take a rerouted flight.

So, there i was sweatin and all at 4:30 Eu time ... (with local temp. of 10 deg), but i guess the airport had its own temp control :P .. anywaz, got my rerouted flight via paris which was after 5 hrs! ... btw, these curtius staff ppl, gave me a calling card to inform ppl that im running late! .. so did that.. and then began to watch Jaane tu Jaane na ! (lappy mein ...:P )

Took the flight and reached Paris, only to notice that ..i again have only 1 hr time to change flights and this time no short connection security check ! :( .. and i was soo lucky that the flight arrived in the peak hrs (10 am), so had an infi long queue! But this time somehow managed to reach the terminal 15 mins in advance! Relieved i felt ..

So, fastforward .. and then im in Milan .. waiting for my bags ..waiting ..waiting .. and then i realised the name of the airline was no longer listed in the baggage claim screen ! :( :(.. So, after 40 mins of waiting, got to the window of lost and found and the moment i said "I am coming from Delhi, India" the woman in the cabin asked me wether my name was "Mr. Lanka ?" :( ! again, politely mentioned that baggage was left behind in Paris, and it might reach tommorow! .. So after roughly wasting 7 hours, i reached milan .. without the baggage, which was the reason in the first place why i was late ! :( ..

And then i come out of the airport to find out that the assigned pickup also left (as i was waiting for my baggage, and then in lost and found queue) just 5 mins back! .. With no active mobile connection, with no coins to call (had only currency notes) I was standing in the waiting area, thinking what to do :) ..

In 5 mins, the pickup was back, mentioned that his boss told him to wait for min. 2 hrs, so had to come back ! :) .. So in the entire journey, the only good thing after that vegetarian dinner was this ! Ek dum lamba umar do bhagwaan to his boss :) ..

here.. waiting..

2008-09-08T23:40:00.003+05:30

blank !

I keep thinking what is that one thing i want to do before i leave! the one thing for which i would die for ... and then i keep thinking :) .. Living it this way.. dont know whether it is rite or not ! If not, what is the rite way ?

Time.. is all that i had these last couple of days ! .. its been almost two years since i spend an entire day watching movies! Felt good, but somehow, did not feel the same ! may be i was searching for something that is long gone! Passion .. ! travelling .. rides ... and then i stare further towards this stupid white and yellow lines on the wall !

Time alone.. time with yourself ! .. confusion never stops ! I began to notice the small things that life offers ! the dust particles hanging on.. dancing.. visible for only those few moments of sunrise and sunset through the small pores of my semi closed window drapes !

How loud can a 10% volume on my laptop sound in the silence of night.. and then those stupid Portuguese who complain abt the music at this late hour to the reception ! :)

Felt surprised, when i woke up at 7 in the morning continuously for the last 1 week even before the alarm in my cell went off. Do i like the work ? .. Yes i do !.. but is this it ? ..why am i searching ..waiting for something else ? A strangely weird feeling to be alone in a crowd !

Angry .. may be ! But a continuous state of anger is no good :P ..

just another day in the year !

2008-08-24T02:46:00.003+05:30

Calm, slow and pleasant (most part :P ) ! Did not plan it so .. but felt good :)

may be, im afraid of the path im in, and hence searching for ways out !

Doing somethin we like ...
And doing something becos people we like, like it ....

and the choice is ?

but i guess its ok to dislike somethings among many likes :P ...

The Plan !

2008-08-10T11:44:00.002+05:30

Things unsaid remain so,
Unimportance, ignorance, do they dissolve the underlying facts ?
The value attached, does it change ? .. is its influence felt ?
May be, but should one feel guilty of not being influenced ?
If im on my own, who is to blame ?,
Should someone be blamed in the first place ?
Should unfulfilled dreams be carried on ?
Should one live out the life preplanned for him ?
And if not, doesnt the creater have the ownership over his creation ?
Who is to say the correctness ?
How come everything has more than one side to it ?
Simple, Plain simple, Life so, wont it be SOME Life ! :)

The RIGHT to do so, to do something !
Right to dream,
Dream about other's dreams !
How just is it ?
Does time give out the answers ?
If so, how do we get to the answers without loosing time !

Stupidness, inbuilt, into the core of life !

Reason !

2008-08-04T11:38:00.003+05:30

I do not have to answer to you,
But I still want to !

I was watching this movie 'No Reservations' yesterday, and some how i felt it disturbing. Diff kind of ppl exist in this tiny world . Some know what they want to do and the rest live just because they are given a chance to. Though either of them are not bad, i am more inclined towards the first kinda life.

So, what if u discover what u like, love and chose to live it out. You start filling your life with that one and only one thing and eventually u get to a point at which u are so obsessed with it that you value nothing else ( or you dont have anything else to value :P)

Which I think is a bad life, being obsessed and all, and not realising the importance of other things that life gives u etc etc. So it finally comes down to, reducing the importance to the things u like and catering that time to something else which u may not like as much as the prior.

If so, what is the point in knowing what u like or what u dont like ?

Start

2008-07-22T13:25:00.003+05:30

So, it always starts with the morning. (sometimes with a dream, but i hardly remember any of those)

Time is changing and people are, but not me. I want to, I really want to! May be i am getting accustomed to some basic facts of life. How realistic a life should one live ? Does it really matter ?

People fill their lives with all sorts of imaginary tools. Like friends, aspirations, dreams, hopes etc. etc.. a process-making to lead a happy-better life. Some turn these into reality and attain a 'real' happy state. The rest go on with their imaginary happy state. So, how different are these ? Does it really matter ?

I often used to wonder, how can i like something and still don't want to have it. And now i wonder, why the hell did i like it :-). Being in a perpetual state of deniability has its own benefits.

As Dr. House says: Pain is relative, so if i inflict myself with enormous self numbing pain, all the others 'just vanish' :)

Stupid Idiots !

2008-07-22T13:19:00.003+05:30

She:If one day u come to realize, I dont love u anymore, will your love towards me diminish ?

He:I have been loving you since the day you didn't even know i existed ! :)

In Italy ... Sesto

2008-06-15T06:07:00.004+05:30

Intellectual Property to Manufacturing and now in Aviation !.. Hope i find my stability someway down the lane! How is it that I only know things I dont like rather those I do! Or may be my luck is running against me with the choice selection thing ! :P .. Hope, it turns the other way now :) ..

Its been over a month here ... Some notes:

Location - Sesto Calande; 50 odd km from Milan, Italy. Lovely place along a river (name dont remember) .. Rich people's adda ! Typical country side ! Everyone here own a car with a min. denomination of a Porsche Carrera. Spoiled brats all around.

As of me, putting up at a hotel as of now. Quite calm, i must say. 20 odd Libyans in the hotel and some chinki ppl. Attending similar training programs.

Life here -- pretty good, except the fact that i have to wake up early :( ... and the rest is as usual ! ..

First few weeks, was staffed on projects so that i could learn from my colleagues. Now, am attending some serious classroom courses.. well, interesting stuff!

Girls... Food and Wine, i guess no need to mention! Btw, walks along the river in the evenings are quite refreshing. and ..People dont speak english here, but sing almost every stupid english song !

Few english channels and some 300 odd italian and 10 arabic ! :)) .. btw, there was no broadcast of the French open in Italy, although couple of IPL matches were !

Being rite beneath the Alps, infinite rain. There was a rare feeling of non appetite though i was hungry, all because of the stupid sunlight till 10 pm, ofcourse the hunger won almost always !

And is it always necessary to know the reason of our doings/acts ? ...

Colours of Life

2008-03-05T15:26:00.005+05:30

Black is the color of authority and power. And white signifies purity ! So, does that make every person who likes black & white, a Hitler ? :P

A while back, may be a couple of decades ago, a different me existed. Well, though i still like the current me, some how i wish, things could have been be a bit different.

Every Saturday and on the sports day eve, we had to wear our House t-shirt. Well, in my schooling career, Ive been in 4 houses: Red, Yellow, Green, Blue, and i liked them all equally! Ever wondered why there isnt a house with Black as their colour ? ... now i do wonder !

Bright and new were the only requirements, while puttin on any clothes, then !

I was in this mall yesterday, searching for some t's, formals and .. BANG ! .. i cant choose anything beyond Black and white !

So, how come, being more knowledgable, with greater range of choices available each day, we choose to restrict ourselves ?

distance ....

2007-08-15T06:48:00.000+05:30

Waiting for so long and it finally happened. A plan 'Hi' mite have done the job, but i stood waiting for that ... and i knew i wasn't expecting too much. Some how time and distance do matter ... and it leaves me with no one ..to blame the fault onto. I somehow felt sad for a moment ... and moment went on and on .. I sat there, staring .. and listening to something which I am not a part of, but yet i was there .. may be physically. Uncomfortable, a person with whom i thought, I will be most comfortable with.

Some times, things though not done intentionally, hurt so bad ! And still i got no one to blame but myself, to give too much of a priority ..! Taken for granted. I guess so. Want to change things back to normal.

Misconceptions... misunderstandings... ignorant ! Its been almost a year since i tasted this feeling.. everything so different, yet old .. ditch !

Finding Nowhere !

2007-06-18T23:40:00.000+05:30

There is light and there is darkness,
Yet we define, darkness as presence of no light !

Its like, we know it based on what it is'nt !
And yet we look for its presence !

I still have no idea of what it is !...
And hence no idea where to look for ..
and where to start looking for !

But yet, I never gave up searching,
Stupid, dumb ...
And the search goes on !

2007-04-28T03:46:00.000+05:30

if a fraction of second is so important ...
why can't it be of a longer period ?

living ... non living ...
an iota of time difference of existence !

If everything, world ... life ... is beautiful,
how come the word ..ugly..bad .. come into existance ?

2007-04-28T03:36:00.000+05:30

How come it is so unobvious what we want to do ?
It is after all we, who make the choices !

Why is it so tough to decide what is rite ?
Though rite is always relative !

What if ? ... and Why so ?

2007-04-28T03:21:00.000+05:30

something vague...

stupid heart wants to pop out .. so disgusted with me ! :(
wants me to do somethin for it ..
something .. passionate .. something different !

kuch aisa kar jaaun, jeeneka ehsaas hojaaye ..!

2007-03-22T01:10:00.000+05:30

neetilo raatha la ..chadiri unna !

nee swaasa koosam.. maanai unta,
nee maata koosam... muni'nai potha,
nee chupukosam.... sila'nai unta,
nee navvu kosam.. alusai potha

2007-03-22T01:08:00.000+05:30

Does talking more mean, knowing less ?

and if so, how come silence is not valued more ?

Geetanjali

2007-03-16T01:35:00.000+05:30

g: kaani enduko .. ee rooju neethone undalani undi !
naa koosam oka pani chesthava ?
nannu nee vodilo padukonisthava ?

neenu neeku nachana ? :-/

b: chaala ! :)

g: reepu nenu chachipoothe ?

b: repu gurinchi naaku benga leedu... ee rooje naaku mukhyam ..

g: aei nannu kaugilinchuko ... gattigaa ! !

aei .. love you ..

--

Usual

2007-03-10T14:49:00.000+05:30

The reasons are unknown, yet 'I' like some things ..
and 'I' like some things even more ..

Wut happens after that ?
'I' want to have more of them .. evry moment ..evry instance ...

And then 'I' loose interest in them,
even though i had not intended to do so !

Still searching, still searching...
for a - 'for-ever' thing !

--
You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

Long time ..

2007-03-09T02:32:00.000+05:30

long time .. i guess i could blame it all on my laziness !

People say life is short ..bla bla .. but is it so ?
.. doesn't it seem a bit long .. a bit slow at times ?
Somehow things aren't the way we intend them to be, yeah it is obvious, but still !

Does it get better ?, may be that is a wrong question to ask !
The word 'easier' might be more suitable. So does it ?

New..

2006-10-19T23:53:00.000+05:30

Somehow, when i entered my office today, it felt new, different ! The festive mood - the flowers, the rangoli etc etc. People in ethnic wear and all, felt like college again, where we have our traditional day !

Hostel life beats it all, instances keep flashing here and there all through out the day ! People say, you will get used to the work, hehe, what if i do not want to get used to this ?

satisfaction in life, is it soo much important ? Well this is the question i keep asking to myself dayin & dayout ! Well may be because i have too much free time to think :P, anyways it felt a bit better than the rest of the days at work !

Is this the way ?

2006-10-16T00:58:00.000+05:30

Its been a while since the last time ive been here :) may be i'll be around more often from now on !

There existed a period, when people gave their lives away for something which may seem stupid to the today man, honor. Life was altogether different ! It had a deferent sense, a different way, a different definition all together. Are we getting better day by day ? or is it the other way ? I know that it is a lot easier to question, rather than choose to answer, or is silence the answer ? Yes, some times it is !, but not always. Death is THE thing which defines ones life, being so why should one define something which is destined to cease to exist ?

It is said,

' A man does what he can, untill his destiny is revealed'

May be so, may not be so, but there exist a life, a life of our own, which is prevalent. So, what defines our lives, rather, hows should we define our lives to be ? I know that its all relative, but still, though the paths vary, the beginning and the ending are common to all!

Money, the one thing that rules today's world. Has it been so, since the beginning of humanity? Yes ! It has been ! But only to a limited set of people. Life had some meaning, besides money, people believed in principles, beliefs, faith, honor, a sense of liveliness! So is wealth acquisition the only thing that matters to people? I know that it is essential for the management of a household or a society, but is it ALL that we intend to do, strive for, live for ?

Aristotle once said,

‘For the amount of property which is needed for a good life is not unlimited’

although Solon in one of his poems said,

‘No bound to riches has been fixed for man’

So, who is right? I guess both are and both aren't. Each person is a different enity, completely unique. It is he who chooses his own path, his own life! But how do one define a right way to live? Does such a thing exist as, a right way ? If at all it does, who defines it ? To an extent I guess, its the society which does define it! Well, a society introduces leaders, politics ....etc which inturn define the right way! Which leads us to, who ... leader... politcs ?

I believe there are two sects of people, who live for themselves and the other, who live for others. So why does a person feel the urge to leave himself behind and think about the rest? May be he is too happy with his life, or may be is just trying to find a way to understand the way of life! Or may be, because he is destined to be so!

A leader is a person who falls into this category. His life is defined by that of his people. Aristotle described a politician, a leader to be:

‘A person who attends more to men than to acquisition of intimate things, and to human excellence more than to the excellence of property which we call wealth, and to the virtue of freemen more than to the virtue of slaves.’

So, virtues define a leader, a true politician. If it is so, how many true politicians exist in today’s world? One may argue, how can a true leader exist if his pupils are unjust? Yeah, this may be the case! A society (nation) is determined by the virtues of its leader, and that is in-turn defined by the virtues of his people. So it is we, who can make a difference to the place where we exist. Though I cannot define, explain the existence, it somehow feels right this way, where things seem just, and life means much more than it is today !

“Each one gives law to his children and to his wives”
- Homer

2006-07-30T19:25:00.000+05:30

Darkness wavering all around,
or, does it just seem so to me ?

Waiting for the fairly to alight,
and put me back into the light,
a stroke of her wand might just not be sufficient !

Waiting... waiting.. still waiting,
a life time to spare for the arrival !

Change, can it be changed ?

2006-07-17T09:19:00.000+05:30

Its been long ...... fading future and an abrupt ending !!

It is happening right infront and there is not a thing that i could possibly do ! May be because im too insignificant or its just the usual. In a blind temptation to secure the thoughts/ideas, it is hard to imagine how different people can act.

10 day ! Yes 10 days it is ! To know the people... to know the existing problems and then take a vow to solve them all .. haan .. all of them !!, and search all possible ways to buy your voters & a non-sensical/absurd/stupid attempt to WIN !

Well for many ... naa ... for most junta winning is all that matters. The questions like 'Why , How' sound completly unrelated. And there is this crowd, who are mere sheep or maybe something worse ! Given a token of monetary gift they instantly become your wellwishers aka followers and accept their new leader whole heartedly not even bothering what the hell is he going to do for them...

But who is to be blammed for all this ? .. may be u, or me .. or the entire system !

someone once said,

"Life is a gift
To live a moral life is a choice"

It is so ...

2006-07-17T09:02:00.000+05:30

Along this path,
where,
vegetation fears to grow,
raingods are forebidden,
rocks are the raja's,
there,
there, this red-horned mankin fight,
killing each other,
richer loot the poor,
kicking them to utter poverty,
people betray their family,
All just for a peice of land.

Many more ages to come,
many more wars to be fought,
and 1 day,
Earth cant get any more Red !!

So calm yet disturbing

2006-05-06T10:47:00.000+05:30

Beneath the shadow of the drowning moon,
and the sun yet to be reborn,
there i lay,
staring at the sparkling sand.

Wondering is it always so calm ?
Or am i too drunk ?
Life may not get any more better,
anyways, better isnt an option here!

Am i waiting for something,
or may be im too lazy to move-on,
and yet i wonder why do people live !
atleast in the way i espy things !

A lifetime is all yo've got ,
to know all about yourself ,
and then die !

An Axiom

2006-04-17T05:36:00.000+05:30

There is this vast emptiness....
and then there is Me !

ps : btw, emptiness is undefined !!

Payanam.... The Journey

2006-04-14T08:32:00.000+05:30

ignore if u dont understand this :P

Yetu chuusina anthuleeni pravaham,
Kanuchupuku andani duuramloo theeram,
Alala vodilo vuugisalaaduthunna prayaanam,
Jooru gaalilo yedureethaku samsidham !!

Vuuhinchina sthithikai vuuhinchani pooraatam,
samayam aagipooenada ? ..vuuhala pravaahanikai aanakatta saadhyama ?
Praanaanikai pooratam, jeevana gamanam leekapooena !
Chaavutho doobuchulaata... kshanaalatho gusagusalaata !

Pakkumani navvu neeku vinipinchinada ?
divinundi deevenalaa ?.. prasnala ? ... samadhanala ? ..
Yenno sankatanala naduma .. vodduku cheeralane thapana ... aaveedana !
Naavapai jeevitam .. payanam ... anthu thelisinaa .. gamanam aparichitam !

Antha maayam.. yetuchuusina nehsabdam !
nedura aaginada ?.. kala theerinada ?
Agamyam .. agoocharam .. Naa Yee Payanam ! :)

.hg

The Thought

2006-04-13T16:05:00.000+05:30

Its all dark around ...but i still see it
want to feel it ...
i put my hand out... trying to grab it ..
suddenly, a flash of light
And its all brightness everywhere ....
I felt it ... or may be its the conscious ...
waiting ... still waiting ...
for the answers .. to the question i dont even know !..
it somehow feels right .. dont know why !!.. it just does.
a blink and the light is gone ..
its just me standing alone ..
with my hand out, in the darkness !..

hg

Dreamer !!

2006-04-12T12:13:00.000+05:30

Dreams tend to drive us ahead ... achieve the unachievable .... etc etc .. and hence the inspiration behind the name ! ..

My first posting ever

2006-04-12T11:11:00.000+05:30

Finally the gult god enters the blogging arena with a blank mind ..thinking "wut the hell am i going to write ? ?". People tend to be carried away with the thought- all questions do not have answers. Yes my friend, u are after all right !!

So, lets come back to the question: wut the hell am i going to write ? ! ! ...